People with high self-esteem are more resilient and stress resistant in life. They bounce back faster after difficulties. Why? Because they tend to see the cause of difficulties as something outside of themselves, not something that happened to them because they were "bad" or "not good enough." They also know that difficult times are part of life and that "this too shall pass."
People with high self-esteem tend to be more successful, because they believe in themselves and their ability to set and reach goals. People with high self-esteem are fun to be around. Because of their positive outlook, they attract people who want to be their friend and to help them succeed. Face it, it's much more fun to be around someone who likes themselves and believes in themselves than someone who doesn't. In fact, it can be inspirational.
Self-esteem is not something static. It can be changed and improved. If you came out of childhood, or a bad relationship, not feeling good about or confident in yourself, you're not doomed to a life of low self-esteem. It's not like you get one shot at having high self-esteem and if it wasn't nurtured in you in the past that's all you get. It's a dynamic process that can be affected by what you do, how you think and who you surround yourself with.
Here's how psychologists think self-esteem is formed and can be developed. As children, we're little sponges. We're constantly learning who we are and what we are capable of by our interaction with others and the environment. If the feedback we are getting consistently from others and from the environment is negative or critical, we're going to conclude that we're not very good, lovable, or capable. We start to see ourselves as others see us and because we're children, who lack critical thinking skills and the ability to take a different perspective, we don't question that. We just accept it as the Truth. If we're getting feedback that is positive and that helps us to realistically appraise our abilities, we're going to conclude that we must be good, lovable and capable. In both cases, we form a picture or appraisal of our self-worth based on what others tell us and the feedback we get from our interaction with the environment.
Fortunately or unfortunately, that unexamined appraisal continues to influence what we do, how we think, and who we surround ourselves with throughout life. Whether you have high self-esteem or low self-esteem, you will be drawn to situations and people who reinforce what you already believe about yourself. If you have low self-esteem, you may not set high goals for yourself because you don't think you can accomplish them. You may not seek out more loving relationships because you don't know what those are like. You think that other people are just better or more worthy than you to have all the good things in life, so you don't try.
It's not the circumstances of your past that limit your success. It's what you choose to and continue to believe about yourself. Look at Oprah or Maya Angelou. They didn't have the greatest childhoods, yet both went on to become successful and renowned. They found a way to grow their self-esteem.
Here's one way to get started moving your self-esteem in a positive direction. Whenever you find yourself thinking, "What's WRONG with me that I ____________?" turn the question on it's ear and ask yourself this instead, "What's RIGHT with me that I __________?" For example, instead of asking yourself, "what's wrong with me that I can't be happy with what I have?" Ask yourself, "what's RIGHT with me that I'm not happy with what I have?" Maybe you'll find that behind your unhappiness is an unfulfilled dream that you need to pay attention to and start putting some energy into realizing. Maybe you'll find that what you have isn't what you really want and that you want something different or better. Maybe you'll find that your unhappiness is a signal that you have simply grown to a different level and you value different things now.
Try it and share with us what strengths you uncover about yourself that you hadn't acknowledged before.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
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