In times of stress and transition who doesn't want a trusted advisor or
mentor? Wouldn't we all want someone to turn to who can help us with our
decisions and guide us in our actions? I sure do. But what if you don't
have that in your life? Or if you do have that trusted relationship with
friends or a family member, but they just aren't available when and how you
need them to be? That's when you need to develop your own inner guidance.
Mature adults seek guidance, not reliance on someone else for their
decisions. Always relying on the advice of others is a form of dependency,
not self-sufficiency. It can also be very confusing. Ask six different
people what to do in a situation and you'll get six different answers. Then
how do you decide?
All the self-help books and psychotherapists, like me, encourage,
well....self-help, which is helping someone discern their own inner wisdom
and find the courage to act on it. All you need to run your life
successfully lies within you. You just need a way to become aware of it,
access it, and have the courage to act on what you know is in your best
interests.
So, if advice doesn't work and your outer mentors are not available, what
methods can you use to access your inner guidance? There are so many ways to
do this - journaling, prayer and meditation, interpreting your dreams, or
just having a good listener mirror back to you what you are saying, so you
can hear yourself.
I'm a big fan of journaling. Sometimes I don't know what I think or feel
about something until I write about it. In my journal I'm free to express
anything and everything without censoring myself. In it, I write letters to
people I'm upset with as a way to work through my hurt, fear or anger -- so
I can calm down and find out what I really want to do about the situation.
Once I'm done expressing my feelings fully, I focus on looking for
solutions, instead of blaming. I also write "letters to God," Higher Self,
or Inner Advisor asking for guidance. This is one of my favorite techniques
because it calls on the innate wisdom we all have. I'll put a concern
before this wiser self and discuss it thoroughly. Many times I'm surprised
by the insights I get. Generally, I feel comforted because that part is
kind and compassionate and reminds me that to be human is to okay, to
struggle is okay, and to strive towards my goals takes courage.
I also like to ask my dreams for assistance in discerning what to do. One
technique to do this is to asked for dreams that will address a certain
problem you're having. Do this right before you go to bed. It's a good
idea to keep a notepad next to your bed to write down the request before you
go to sleep and record your dreams immediately upon waking. A lot of people
say they don't remember their dreams, but more likely it is the case that
they just forget quickly because they jump out of bed to start their day and
don't take time to capture their dreams.
If you start telling your subconscious that you want a dream about a
situation, but don't take time to listen to what you get, it's like any
other conversation. The subconscious will clam up. If you start recording
your dreams and working with them, they can become a source of inner
guidance for you. If you look at dreams as metaphors, like fairy tales,
full of layers of meaning, you will have a rich source of guidance. Rarely
are dreams meant to be interpreted literally. Dreams images are symbolic.
Get to know your dreams and ask yourself what themes keep appearing in them.
For example, I often have a dream that I'm driving in a car and the brakes
fail. To me this dream symbolizes that my life is going too fast and I need
to find a reliable way to slow down. If you had the same dream it might
mean something else.
Prayer and meditation are other great ways to access guidance. I like this
saying; "prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening to God." Both
are intended to get our egos out of the way, so we can access higher wisdom.
The goal of meditation is to quiet the mind, learn to detach from the ego
chatter that distracts us and masquerades as Truth, and just observe the
rising and falling of our thoughts, sensations, and feelings.
Once you get accustomed to seeking inner wisdom you will be able to
distinguish between ego chatter and wise counsel. Ego chatter is all about
our personal history and is characterized by fear masking as truth. Jack
Canfield says that F.E.A.R. = " False Expectations Appearing Real." I've
never found fearful thoughts to contain much wisdom. Fear tends to paralyze
instead of catalyze action. Fear's message is to stay small and don't be a
target, when most likely what we need to do in a new situation is to expand
and grow -- step out of our comfort zones. Fear looks back on all the bad
things that's ever happened in your life and projects that into the future.
It warns, if something bad happened before, it WILL happen again. That is a
lie. Wisdom will tell you there's no connection between the past and
future, there's only the present and that you are free to think, act, and
feel differently in the present. Different choices lead to different
results. Wise counsel leads to self-confidence and inner resourcefulness.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker
with offices in Carbondale, IL and St. Louis, MO. www.GotStressGetHelp.com
Showing posts with label Stress Management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stress Management. Show all posts
Apr 18, 2009
Mar 2, 2009
Signs and Symptoms of Stress Overload
Learning how to manage stress starts with becoming aware that you are under
too much stress. You need to know the signs and symptoms of stress overload
in the following areas of life: emotional, social, physical and cognitive.
Too much stress can affect any or all of these areas of life.
Once you are aware of how stress overload shows up in your life, you can
make a plan to keep your stress within a manageable range. The elimination
of all stress is not the goal. Since both negative and positive events in
life can be stressful, without any stress life would be boring and you
wouldn't have anything to look forward to. The goal is to keep your stress
in a range that is motivating and not let it spill over into a debilitating
range.
So what are the commons signs and symptoms of stress in each of these four
areas? Emotionally, stress can manifest as anxiety, panic, depression,
irritability, moodiness, and feelings of being overwhelmed and burned out.
Physically, stress can manifest as headaches, tension, unusual aches and
pains, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, chest pains,
unexplained rashes, sweaty palms, jitteriness, clumsiness and an increase
susceptibility to infections (because chronic stress weakens the immune
system). Further, stress contributes to the onset or worsening of the
following diseases: ulcers, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, hypertension,
irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia and alcoholism. In fact, it is
estimated that between 60 - 90% of all doctor's visits are due to stress.
Stress also affects your social life. When you are under stress how you
related to others may change. Some of us withdraw from social contact and
need a lot of quiet time alone to rest, recharge and regroup. Others need
more people contact when they are stressed to distract, discharge and dumb
(seek support). Plus, if you are already feeling the emotional impact of
stress then problems may arise in your interpersonal relationships. Signs
of this may be increase bickering or discord, a change in the level of
interest in sexual contact, and a change in your patience with the other
person. Yes, if your sex life comes to a screeching halt, look at the level
of stress in your life first as the likely culprit. Also, stress may
increase addictive behaviors, like drinking or smoking. These can also
affect your social life, especially if the people you are around object to
these behaviors.
Finally, stress affects how well your brain works. Cognitive signs of stress
include: forgetfulness, poor comprehension, inability to learn or retain new
information, reduced ability to access or recall information (ever forget
your kids names?), and difficulty making decisions. In short, your mind has
too much to think about because it's dealing with too many other things. It's
full and nothing is going in or coming out quickly or easily. I like to say
you need a dose of "Braino" - time to rest, let go of worries and cares,
daydream, meditate, listen to music or just watch your thoughts go by like a
train on a track, except your not on the train of thought. You are standing
aside and just watching it go by.
My recommendation to you is to identify your unique constellation of stress
overload indicators, so when you start to notice them, you can take action
to reduce the stress and let it become chronic. Chronic stress can kill.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker - www.GotStressGetHelp.com
too much stress. You need to know the signs and symptoms of stress overload
in the following areas of life: emotional, social, physical and cognitive.
Too much stress can affect any or all of these areas of life.
Once you are aware of how stress overload shows up in your life, you can
make a plan to keep your stress within a manageable range. The elimination
of all stress is not the goal. Since both negative and positive events in
life can be stressful, without any stress life would be boring and you
wouldn't have anything to look forward to. The goal is to keep your stress
in a range that is motivating and not let it spill over into a debilitating
range.
So what are the commons signs and symptoms of stress in each of these four
areas? Emotionally, stress can manifest as anxiety, panic, depression,
irritability, moodiness, and feelings of being overwhelmed and burned out.
Physically, stress can manifest as headaches, tension, unusual aches and
pains, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, chest pains,
unexplained rashes, sweaty palms, jitteriness, clumsiness and an increase
susceptibility to infections (because chronic stress weakens the immune
system). Further, stress contributes to the onset or worsening of the
following diseases: ulcers, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, hypertension,
irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia and alcoholism. In fact, it is
estimated that between 60 - 90% of all doctor's visits are due to stress.
Stress also affects your social life. When you are under stress how you
related to others may change. Some of us withdraw from social contact and
need a lot of quiet time alone to rest, recharge and regroup. Others need
more people contact when they are stressed to distract, discharge and dumb
(seek support). Plus, if you are already feeling the emotional impact of
stress then problems may arise in your interpersonal relationships. Signs
of this may be increase bickering or discord, a change in the level of
interest in sexual contact, and a change in your patience with the other
person. Yes, if your sex life comes to a screeching halt, look at the level
of stress in your life first as the likely culprit. Also, stress may
increase addictive behaviors, like drinking or smoking. These can also
affect your social life, especially if the people you are around object to
these behaviors.
Finally, stress affects how well your brain works. Cognitive signs of stress
include: forgetfulness, poor comprehension, inability to learn or retain new
information, reduced ability to access or recall information (ever forget
your kids names?), and difficulty making decisions. In short, your mind has
too much to think about because it's dealing with too many other things. It's
full and nothing is going in or coming out quickly or easily. I like to say
you need a dose of "Braino" - time to rest, let go of worries and cares,
daydream, meditate, listen to music or just watch your thoughts go by like a
train on a track, except your not on the train of thought. You are standing
aside and just watching it go by.
My recommendation to you is to identify your unique constellation of stress
overload indicators, so when you start to notice them, you can take action
to reduce the stress and let it become chronic. Chronic stress can kill.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker - www.GotStressGetHelp.com
Nov 21, 2008
This is Your Brain on Stress
"I can't stand it when....What if.....I'm trapped.....I'll never have....Oh, my God....this is awful!" This is what worry, anxiety, fear and pessimism sound like in your head. This is your brain on stress. Actually, this is your brain producing your stress.
Yes, it's your thoughts, your perceptions, assumptions and interpretations of life's situations that actually cause stress and NOT the situations (or people) themselves. Therefore, the way to reduce stress is to become aware of your stress-producing thoughts, learn to "turn down the emotional volume" or change the channel altogether on those thoughts. I'll describe this in a minute.
But first, you have to realize that your thoughts are not all TRUTH. Just because you can think something doesn't make it true...well, it might bring it about, but that's another story. You have to begin to put some "wiggle room" in your thinking, loosen your grip on your assumptions and allow yourself to modify your thoughts. I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that read, "Don't believe everything you think." That's the place to start.
The more rigidly you hold to a certain thought and the more you repeat it mentally, it becomes harder to change. Through sheer repetition you've worn a groove in your brain and have mistaken that groove for reality. I had a friend, another therapist, who once said, "If you're going to assume something about a situation, why not assume something that flatters you?"
So let's take some examples. Try changing "I can't stand it when..." to "I really don't like it when...." Just that subtle change turns down the emotional volume or intensity of that thought. The reality is you CAN stand it and probably have stood it for a long time, but not without complaining to yourself or others. What you're really saying is, "I don't like it!"
Next, let's take a worrisome thought. These usually come in the form of some sort of catastrophizing and start with "Oh, my God, what if I don't get that job promotion? I won't be able to deal with it. I'll get so depressed, lose the job I do have. Then we'll lose the house, end up homeless, and die alone on the street." It takes just as much energy to think, "Oh, my God, what if I DO get that job promotion?" Then you can spend your time focusing on how you're going to enjoy the new challenge, become a stronger person, gain the respect of family and friends, etc.
What I've noticed about people who are worriers is that a) they have a very active, vivid imagination, but they tend to use it only on negative scenarios. I think of worry as something akin to a Superpower. If you can imagine something going wrong in vivid detail, you can harness that same ability and use it for good....imagine things going right instead. Each outcome is equally as likely to occur and your positive expectation might actually tip the scales in your favor.
Now, if your thinking goes repeatedly to thoughts like, "I will never have the car/job/love/house that I want" that will become your reality because we act on what we believe. You won't even try to have or achieve those things because your thoughts have already taken you out of the game. To save face, you'll make excuses instead. "I'm just not driven/smart/attractive enough." Here's a clinical term, Hogwash! You never know until you try and you won't try if you believe you can't have what you want. I think it was Henry Ford who said, "Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right."
Now for the "awfulizing." Again, that's an emotionally intense thought. Awful is in the mind of the beholder. Can you think of some food you dislike and then think of someone who loves that same dish? Can you think of some music you hate and then think of someone who loves it? Sure you can. This is an example of perspective taking. Things are only as awful as you think they are. If the "awful" thought is something like, "It's awful that my son didn't make the basketball team" try changing it to "it's great that he tried out and that he'll continue to improve until he does make the team. It's great that he has goals and ambitions."
Finally, for those situations where you think you are "trapped" or have no choice. You always have and always are making choices. Your choice might be to stay in a situation that isn't pleasant or healthy for you. Why you're choosing to stay is because you either don't see or don't like the alternatives. Maybe you choose to stay at a job you hate because it pays alot of money and you don't know how you'd replace that income. Maybe you stay in an abusive relationship because you don't like the alternative of breaking up, being alone, or starting over with someone new. Either way, you're not "trapped." You just don't see alternatives or don't want to choose something else right now.
In conclusion, be careful what you think. I could be a hazard to your mental health.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker.
www.EnterTrainingSeminars.com
Yes, it's your thoughts, your perceptions, assumptions and interpretations of life's situations that actually cause stress and NOT the situations (or people) themselves. Therefore, the way to reduce stress is to become aware of your stress-producing thoughts, learn to "turn down the emotional volume" or change the channel altogether on those thoughts. I'll describe this in a minute.
But first, you have to realize that your thoughts are not all TRUTH. Just because you can think something doesn't make it true...well, it might bring it about, but that's another story. You have to begin to put some "wiggle room" in your thinking, loosen your grip on your assumptions and allow yourself to modify your thoughts. I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that read, "Don't believe everything you think." That's the place to start.
The more rigidly you hold to a certain thought and the more you repeat it mentally, it becomes harder to change. Through sheer repetition you've worn a groove in your brain and have mistaken that groove for reality. I had a friend, another therapist, who once said, "If you're going to assume something about a situation, why not assume something that flatters you?"
So let's take some examples. Try changing "I can't stand it when..." to "I really don't like it when...." Just that subtle change turns down the emotional volume or intensity of that thought. The reality is you CAN stand it and probably have stood it for a long time, but not without complaining to yourself or others. What you're really saying is, "I don't like it!"
Next, let's take a worrisome thought. These usually come in the form of some sort of catastrophizing and start with "Oh, my God, what if I don't get that job promotion? I won't be able to deal with it. I'll get so depressed, lose the job I do have. Then we'll lose the house, end up homeless, and die alone on the street." It takes just as much energy to think, "Oh, my God, what if I DO get that job promotion?" Then you can spend your time focusing on how you're going to enjoy the new challenge, become a stronger person, gain the respect of family and friends, etc.
What I've noticed about people who are worriers is that a) they have a very active, vivid imagination, but they tend to use it only on negative scenarios. I think of worry as something akin to a Superpower. If you can imagine something going wrong in vivid detail, you can harness that same ability and use it for good....imagine things going right instead. Each outcome is equally as likely to occur and your positive expectation might actually tip the scales in your favor.
Now, if your thinking goes repeatedly to thoughts like, "I will never have the car/job/love/house that I want" that will become your reality because we act on what we believe. You won't even try to have or achieve those things because your thoughts have already taken you out of the game. To save face, you'll make excuses instead. "I'm just not driven/smart/attractive enough." Here's a clinical term, Hogwash! You never know until you try and you won't try if you believe you can't have what you want. I think it was Henry Ford who said, "Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right."
Now for the "awfulizing." Again, that's an emotionally intense thought. Awful is in the mind of the beholder. Can you think of some food you dislike and then think of someone who loves that same dish? Can you think of some music you hate and then think of someone who loves it? Sure you can. This is an example of perspective taking. Things are only as awful as you think they are. If the "awful" thought is something like, "It's awful that my son didn't make the basketball team" try changing it to "it's great that he tried out and that he'll continue to improve until he does make the team. It's great that he has goals and ambitions."
Finally, for those situations where you think you are "trapped" or have no choice. You always have and always are making choices. Your choice might be to stay in a situation that isn't pleasant or healthy for you. Why you're choosing to stay is because you either don't see or don't like the alternatives. Maybe you choose to stay at a job you hate because it pays alot of money and you don't know how you'd replace that income. Maybe you stay in an abusive relationship because you don't like the alternative of breaking up, being alone, or starting over with someone new. Either way, you're not "trapped." You just don't see alternatives or don't want to choose something else right now.
In conclusion, be careful what you think. I could be a hazard to your mental health.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker.
www.EnterTrainingSeminars.com
May 21, 2008
The Self Esteem, Stress and Success Connection
People with high self-esteem are more resilient and stress resistant in life. They bounce back faster after difficulties. Why? Because they tend to see the cause of difficulties as something outside of themselves, not something that happened to them because they were "bad" or "not good enough." They also know that difficult times are part of life and that "this too shall pass."
People with high self-esteem tend to be more successful, because they believe in themselves and their ability to set and reach goals. People with high self-esteem are fun to be around. Because of their positive outlook, they attract people who want to be their friend and to help them succeed. Face it, it's much more fun to be around someone who likes themselves and believes in themselves than someone who doesn't. In fact, it can be inspirational.
Self-esteem is not something static. It can be changed and improved. If you came out of childhood, or a bad relationship, not feeling good about or confident in yourself, you're not doomed to a life of low self-esteem. It's not like you get one shot at having high self-esteem and if it wasn't nurtured in you in the past that's all you get. It's a dynamic process that can be affected by what you do, how you think and who you surround yourself with.
Here's how psychologists think self-esteem is formed and can be developed. As children, we're little sponges. We're constantly learning who we are and what we are capable of by our interaction with others and the environment. If the feedback we are getting consistently from others and from the environment is negative or critical, we're going to conclude that we're not very good, lovable, or capable. We start to see ourselves as others see us and because we're children, who lack critical thinking skills and the ability to take a different perspective, we don't question that. We just accept it as the Truth. If we're getting feedback that is positive and that helps us to realistically appraise our abilities, we're going to conclude that we must be good, lovable and capable. In both cases, we form a picture or appraisal of our self-worth based on what others tell us and the feedback we get from our interaction with the environment.
Fortunately or unfortunately, that unexamined appraisal continues to influence what we do, how we think, and who we surround ourselves with throughout life. Whether you have high self-esteem or low self-esteem, you will be drawn to situations and people who reinforce what you already believe about yourself. If you have low self-esteem, you may not set high goals for yourself because you don't think you can accomplish them. You may not seek out more loving relationships because you don't know what those are like. You think that other people are just better or more worthy than you to have all the good things in life, so you don't try.
It's not the circumstances of your past that limit your success. It's what you choose to and continue to believe about yourself. Look at Oprah or Maya Angelou. They didn't have the greatest childhoods, yet both went on to become successful and renowned. They found a way to grow their self-esteem.
Here's one way to get started moving your self-esteem in a positive direction. Whenever you find yourself thinking, "What's WRONG with me that I ____________?" turn the question on it's ear and ask yourself this instead, "What's RIGHT with me that I __________?" For example, instead of asking yourself, "what's wrong with me that I can't be happy with what I have?" Ask yourself, "what's RIGHT with me that I'm not happy with what I have?" Maybe you'll find that behind your unhappiness is an unfulfilled dream that you need to pay attention to and start putting some energy into realizing. Maybe you'll find that what you have isn't what you really want and that you want something different or better. Maybe you'll find that your unhappiness is a signal that you have simply grown to a different level and you value different things now.
Try it and share with us what strengths you uncover about yourself that you hadn't acknowledged before.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
People with high self-esteem tend to be more successful, because they believe in themselves and their ability to set and reach goals. People with high self-esteem are fun to be around. Because of their positive outlook, they attract people who want to be their friend and to help them succeed. Face it, it's much more fun to be around someone who likes themselves and believes in themselves than someone who doesn't. In fact, it can be inspirational.
Self-esteem is not something static. It can be changed and improved. If you came out of childhood, or a bad relationship, not feeling good about or confident in yourself, you're not doomed to a life of low self-esteem. It's not like you get one shot at having high self-esteem and if it wasn't nurtured in you in the past that's all you get. It's a dynamic process that can be affected by what you do, how you think and who you surround yourself with.
Here's how psychologists think self-esteem is formed and can be developed. As children, we're little sponges. We're constantly learning who we are and what we are capable of by our interaction with others and the environment. If the feedback we are getting consistently from others and from the environment is negative or critical, we're going to conclude that we're not very good, lovable, or capable. We start to see ourselves as others see us and because we're children, who lack critical thinking skills and the ability to take a different perspective, we don't question that. We just accept it as the Truth. If we're getting feedback that is positive and that helps us to realistically appraise our abilities, we're going to conclude that we must be good, lovable and capable. In both cases, we form a picture or appraisal of our self-worth based on what others tell us and the feedback we get from our interaction with the environment.
Fortunately or unfortunately, that unexamined appraisal continues to influence what we do, how we think, and who we surround ourselves with throughout life. Whether you have high self-esteem or low self-esteem, you will be drawn to situations and people who reinforce what you already believe about yourself. If you have low self-esteem, you may not set high goals for yourself because you don't think you can accomplish them. You may not seek out more loving relationships because you don't know what those are like. You think that other people are just better or more worthy than you to have all the good things in life, so you don't try.
It's not the circumstances of your past that limit your success. It's what you choose to and continue to believe about yourself. Look at Oprah or Maya Angelou. They didn't have the greatest childhoods, yet both went on to become successful and renowned. They found a way to grow their self-esteem.
Here's one way to get started moving your self-esteem in a positive direction. Whenever you find yourself thinking, "What's WRONG with me that I ____________?" turn the question on it's ear and ask yourself this instead, "What's RIGHT with me that I __________?" For example, instead of asking yourself, "what's wrong with me that I can't be happy with what I have?" Ask yourself, "what's RIGHT with me that I'm not happy with what I have?" Maybe you'll find that behind your unhappiness is an unfulfilled dream that you need to pay attention to and start putting some energy into realizing. Maybe you'll find that what you have isn't what you really want and that you want something different or better. Maybe you'll find that your unhappiness is a signal that you have simply grown to a different level and you value different things now.
Try it and share with us what strengths you uncover about yourself that you hadn't acknowledged before.
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
Apr 14, 2008
Getting Rid of Stress By Getting Rid of Clutter
Are you a clutter bug or have difficulty throwing things away? Living with clutter can be stressful. It’s not just about having a neat home to look at. If your home or workplace is orderly and tidy, your stress will be lower. Why? Because you’ll be able to find things more easily, thus saving time and money because you won’t go out and buy things that you already have. Often people whose surroundings are filled with clutter are filled with guilt about it too. So eliminate the clutter and eliminate the guilt. An organized, tidy and beautiful environment is relaxing. Plus, you can have people over for company.
There are two things that lead to a person having a lot of clutter in their environment. The first is what we learned. I grew up in a large family, so we learned early on to keep things tidy. We learned the value of having a routine for cleaning. Every Saturday morning, once we were old enough, we’d have to vacuum and dust our rooms before we could go out to play. We made our beds every morning. We put our dirty clothes in the hamper, never on the floor, and took it to the laundry room when it was full. We learned to fold the laundry and put clean clothes in our closet or bureau drawers as soon as they came out of the dryer. We cleared the table at the end of every meal and washed, dried, and put away the dishes. Groceries were put away as soon as they were brought into the house. Mail was opened and sorted immediately. Things didn’t sit and wait until later. “Everything has a place and everything in its place,” was my Mother’s motto.
I took it for granted that everyone lived this way. I know people who learned to be messy and disorganized in the same way that I learned to be neat and organized. They learned behaviors and attitudes that can be summed up as, “I’ll take care of that later” or “what does it matter if I take care of my things or not” or “if I can’t find it, I’ll just buy a new one.”
A second cause for having a lot of clutter and difficulty organizing one’s environment is Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. Characteristics of ADD include: difficulty concentrating, distractibility, impulsive behavior, excessive daydreaming, and a proclivity for procrastination. It manifests outwardly in difficulty keeping your environment organized, difficulty finishing a thought to its logical conclusion. In conversation, people with ADD will get off and a tangent, then tell you infinite detail about that, then switch topics to something else that doesn’t even seem connected.
My ADD clients talk about having stacks of unopened mail, being late for appointments or for paying their bills, unbalanced checkbook leading to overdrafts, having piles of clean and dirty clothes lying mixed up on the floor, and having so much “stuff” filling up their homes that they literally would have to make a path through their living rooms. Consequently they were too ashamed to invite people to their homes. Without knowing that they have a treatable syndrome, often times people with undiagnosed ADD think they are lazy or stupid and suffer from low self-esteem.
Fortunately, you can learn strategies to organize your environment. These are similar strategies that someone who grew up without a mother like mine can learn. There are so many tools to help you get and stay organized. The simplest tool is making short “ta da” lists. When you complete a task, cross it off the list and say “Ta Da!”. Then throw away the list when you’re finished. Don’t have several lists going at one time. It will overwhelm you. Many ADD people make long lists, then get distracted and don’t finish them, thus feeling discouraged. When you finish a task, give yourself a compliment. Doing “work” without a reward isn’t a lot of fun. Remember to reward yourself.
Another idea for organizing your life and environment is purchasing a filing system, date book, clothes hamper, hangars, and see through bins to store things. Find or create a way to label your shelves and bins at home and just put the stuff that belongs there into the bin. Then when you use something from that shelf or bin, return it there as soon as you’re done using it. Don’t throw it on the floor or dining room table and tell yourself you’ll put it away later. Chances are you won’t.
A date book is an essential tool for staying organized. Write everything in your date book. Get several colored highlighters to indicate the difference between different types of appointments or tasks. Sometimes a visual reminder of an appointment is helpful. Other people also set alarms on their cell phones or PDA’s to remind them 15-30 minutes prior to an important appointment.
If you have piles of old mail, take 5 minutes a day to sort through it. Sit right next to a garbage can while you’re doing the sorting and toss out junk mail immediately. No, you don’t have to open and read everything that is obviously junk mail. Eventually, you will get to the bottom of the pile.
Once the pile is gone you can start getting into the habit of sorting your mail as you are walking in from the mailbox. Immediately throw away the junk mail, open the bills, determine which ones need to be paid and when. Then either pay them right away, or file them in a system that alerts you to when they are due. You could use red file folders for bills that need to be paid this week and blue file folders for things that don’t need your attention until the end of the month. Then write on a calendar a deadline to pay those bills. Usually plan to mail them at least 3-7 days ahead of the due date.
There are lots of ways to get organized. The final tip is to get rid of stuff you don’t use. It helps to change the assumption, “this is still good, I may need it someday” to “I haven’t used this in 6 months, I’ll give it to someone who can use it.” A great idea for getting decluttered is to create 3 piles as you’re sorting through stuff. Those piles are 1)Keep and put away 2) give away and 3)throw away. If you have difficulty figuring this out, get one of your organized friends to come over and help you. That’s what friends are for!
Think about how much time you waste trying to find things. What's your favorite strategy for getting organized and decluttering?
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
There are two things that lead to a person having a lot of clutter in their environment. The first is what we learned. I grew up in a large family, so we learned early on to keep things tidy. We learned the value of having a routine for cleaning. Every Saturday morning, once we were old enough, we’d have to vacuum and dust our rooms before we could go out to play. We made our beds every morning. We put our dirty clothes in the hamper, never on the floor, and took it to the laundry room when it was full. We learned to fold the laundry and put clean clothes in our closet or bureau drawers as soon as they came out of the dryer. We cleared the table at the end of every meal and washed, dried, and put away the dishes. Groceries were put away as soon as they were brought into the house. Mail was opened and sorted immediately. Things didn’t sit and wait until later. “Everything has a place and everything in its place,” was my Mother’s motto.
I took it for granted that everyone lived this way. I know people who learned to be messy and disorganized in the same way that I learned to be neat and organized. They learned behaviors and attitudes that can be summed up as, “I’ll take care of that later” or “what does it matter if I take care of my things or not” or “if I can’t find it, I’ll just buy a new one.”
A second cause for having a lot of clutter and difficulty organizing one’s environment is Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. Characteristics of ADD include: difficulty concentrating, distractibility, impulsive behavior, excessive daydreaming, and a proclivity for procrastination. It manifests outwardly in difficulty keeping your environment organized, difficulty finishing a thought to its logical conclusion. In conversation, people with ADD will get off and a tangent, then tell you infinite detail about that, then switch topics to something else that doesn’t even seem connected.
My ADD clients talk about having stacks of unopened mail, being late for appointments or for paying their bills, unbalanced checkbook leading to overdrafts, having piles of clean and dirty clothes lying mixed up on the floor, and having so much “stuff” filling up their homes that they literally would have to make a path through their living rooms. Consequently they were too ashamed to invite people to their homes. Without knowing that they have a treatable syndrome, often times people with undiagnosed ADD think they are lazy or stupid and suffer from low self-esteem.
Fortunately, you can learn strategies to organize your environment. These are similar strategies that someone who grew up without a mother like mine can learn. There are so many tools to help you get and stay organized. The simplest tool is making short “ta da” lists. When you complete a task, cross it off the list and say “Ta Da!”. Then throw away the list when you’re finished. Don’t have several lists going at one time. It will overwhelm you. Many ADD people make long lists, then get distracted and don’t finish them, thus feeling discouraged. When you finish a task, give yourself a compliment. Doing “work” without a reward isn’t a lot of fun. Remember to reward yourself.
Another idea for organizing your life and environment is purchasing a filing system, date book, clothes hamper, hangars, and see through bins to store things. Find or create a way to label your shelves and bins at home and just put the stuff that belongs there into the bin. Then when you use something from that shelf or bin, return it there as soon as you’re done using it. Don’t throw it on the floor or dining room table and tell yourself you’ll put it away later. Chances are you won’t.
A date book is an essential tool for staying organized. Write everything in your date book. Get several colored highlighters to indicate the difference between different types of appointments or tasks. Sometimes a visual reminder of an appointment is helpful. Other people also set alarms on their cell phones or PDA’s to remind them 15-30 minutes prior to an important appointment.
If you have piles of old mail, take 5 minutes a day to sort through it. Sit right next to a garbage can while you’re doing the sorting and toss out junk mail immediately. No, you don’t have to open and read everything that is obviously junk mail. Eventually, you will get to the bottom of the pile.
Once the pile is gone you can start getting into the habit of sorting your mail as you are walking in from the mailbox. Immediately throw away the junk mail, open the bills, determine which ones need to be paid and when. Then either pay them right away, or file them in a system that alerts you to when they are due. You could use red file folders for bills that need to be paid this week and blue file folders for things that don’t need your attention until the end of the month. Then write on a calendar a deadline to pay those bills. Usually plan to mail them at least 3-7 days ahead of the due date.
There are lots of ways to get organized. The final tip is to get rid of stuff you don’t use. It helps to change the assumption, “this is still good, I may need it someday” to “I haven’t used this in 6 months, I’ll give it to someone who can use it.” A great idea for getting decluttered is to create 3 piles as you’re sorting through stuff. Those piles are 1)Keep and put away 2) give away and 3)throw away. If you have difficulty figuring this out, get one of your organized friends to come over and help you. That’s what friends are for!
Think about how much time you waste trying to find things. What's your favorite strategy for getting organized and decluttering?
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
The Perils of People Pleasing
Are you a people pleaser? Do you feel guilty or “selfish” when saying, “no” to other’s requests? Do you put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own in the hopes that they will like you or they will put your needs as their top priority? Do you worry about hurting other people’s feelings if you cannot do what they want you to do? If so, you are a people pleaser and are probably on the way to depression, anxiety, or resentment.
Eleanor Roosevelt was once quoted as saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” If you are a people pleaser, it’s likely you struggle with low self-esteem. If you will inconvenience yourself to try to please others, you don’t value your own goals and priorities. If you don’t respect the use of your own time, no one else will either.
I’ve said it before, but it bears saying again: ‘No’ is the most powerful word in the human language. When you can comfortably say, “No” to requests for your time, energy, ideas, and money, you gain the respect of others because you respect yourself and have good boundaries.
You are not a people pleaser when you have a solid “No” and a solid “Yes.” What I mean by that is that you can stick to your guns and hold to your “Yes” or “No.” When you can’t yet say, “No” comfortably, there’s no joy in the giving. Eventually you will feel burdened and resentful of the responsibilities you’ve taken on. You may want to blame or be angry at the other person who pressed you for your help, but you really did this to yourself. No one held a gun to your head when asking you to bake cookies for the church bake sale or coach the Little League again this year. Sure, they may have used flattery, i.e. “but you’re so GOOD at this!” Or, they may have used guilt, i.e. “but there’s NOBODY else to do this!”
Rather than succumb to the pressures of flattery or guilt, you could practice saying “No” gracefully. To flattery, you might respond, “Yes, you’re right. I am good at this; however, I want to give someone else an opportunity to shine while I take on other challenges.” To guilt, you might respond, “I know you’ve come to rely on me, and I am sure that when I step aside someone else, equally as capable, will step up to the challenge. Have you thought of asking _____________?” Or, if someone just makes a straightforward request, but it’s at a time that’s inconvenient for you, you might respond, “I’d love to help, but this is not a good time for me, as I already have plans.” And, if you are not busy and you just don’t want to comply with a request, you could always say, “I know you need help, but I am unable to help at this time.” PERIOD. You don’t need to make something up to justify when you don’t want to help. Not wanting to is reason enough. If they press you as to why you can’t help them, you can just repeat yourself, “I’m sorry, but I cannot help you.”
If you are a people pleaser and you say “Yes” to a request, when the resentment builds up because you said “Yes” when you wanted to say, “No,” you don’t have a solid “Yes.” To cope, you may back out of your commitment at the last minute, do something passive-aggressive, like “forget,” or fulfill the request, but do so while being in a bad mood or do so poorly. It is better to have a solid “Yes” and “No” on the front end than end up disappointing people or appearing unreliable.
The other thing I want to say about people pleasing is that when we are sacrificing our own needs for those of others, that is NOT love. It is co-dependence. Putting others first at the continual expense of ourselves is not good for us. Giving to others, when it is not returned or reciprocated, is not a healthy relationship. It is servitude. There I said it!
Yes, of course, we want to please the people we love and who love us in return. However, when you are giving to others out of love, giving becomes receiving. It is not motivated by a desire to “give to get.” Giving in this way is a true gift and requires no reciprocation. The joy in giving comes both from a sense of abundance, of having lots to share, and the joy in the pleasure it will give the other. You are both enhanced and fulfilled by the giving.
Who do you really need to please in life? Hint: YOU!!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
Eleanor Roosevelt was once quoted as saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” If you are a people pleaser, it’s likely you struggle with low self-esteem. If you will inconvenience yourself to try to please others, you don’t value your own goals and priorities. If you don’t respect the use of your own time, no one else will either.
I’ve said it before, but it bears saying again: ‘No’ is the most powerful word in the human language. When you can comfortably say, “No” to requests for your time, energy, ideas, and money, you gain the respect of others because you respect yourself and have good boundaries.
You are not a people pleaser when you have a solid “No” and a solid “Yes.” What I mean by that is that you can stick to your guns and hold to your “Yes” or “No.” When you can’t yet say, “No” comfortably, there’s no joy in the giving. Eventually you will feel burdened and resentful of the responsibilities you’ve taken on. You may want to blame or be angry at the other person who pressed you for your help, but you really did this to yourself. No one held a gun to your head when asking you to bake cookies for the church bake sale or coach the Little League again this year. Sure, they may have used flattery, i.e. “but you’re so GOOD at this!” Or, they may have used guilt, i.e. “but there’s NOBODY else to do this!”
Rather than succumb to the pressures of flattery or guilt, you could practice saying “No” gracefully. To flattery, you might respond, “Yes, you’re right. I am good at this; however, I want to give someone else an opportunity to shine while I take on other challenges.” To guilt, you might respond, “I know you’ve come to rely on me, and I am sure that when I step aside someone else, equally as capable, will step up to the challenge. Have you thought of asking _____________?” Or, if someone just makes a straightforward request, but it’s at a time that’s inconvenient for you, you might respond, “I’d love to help, but this is not a good time for me, as I already have plans.” And, if you are not busy and you just don’t want to comply with a request, you could always say, “I know you need help, but I am unable to help at this time.” PERIOD. You don’t need to make something up to justify when you don’t want to help. Not wanting to is reason enough. If they press you as to why you can’t help them, you can just repeat yourself, “I’m sorry, but I cannot help you.”
If you are a people pleaser and you say “Yes” to a request, when the resentment builds up because you said “Yes” when you wanted to say, “No,” you don’t have a solid “Yes.” To cope, you may back out of your commitment at the last minute, do something passive-aggressive, like “forget,” or fulfill the request, but do so while being in a bad mood or do so poorly. It is better to have a solid “Yes” and “No” on the front end than end up disappointing people or appearing unreliable.
The other thing I want to say about people pleasing is that when we are sacrificing our own needs for those of others, that is NOT love. It is co-dependence. Putting others first at the continual expense of ourselves is not good for us. Giving to others, when it is not returned or reciprocated, is not a healthy relationship. It is servitude. There I said it!
Yes, of course, we want to please the people we love and who love us in return. However, when you are giving to others out of love, giving becomes receiving. It is not motivated by a desire to “give to get.” Giving in this way is a true gift and requires no reciprocation. The joy in giving comes both from a sense of abundance, of having lots to share, and the joy in the pleasure it will give the other. You are both enhanced and fulfilled by the giving.
Who do you really need to please in life? Hint: YOU!!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
Stress Jujitsu
In the "soft" form of jujitsu, the objective in self-defense is going with the force of a blow instead of encountering it or resisting it. Instead of using extra energy to make contact and turn a blow away, the martial artist either steps aside or moves with the momentum of the blow, thus throwing the attacker off balance.
This could be applied to stressors too. Instead of mentally resisting or fighting stress, try giving it an unequivocal, "Yes! Yes, I acknowledge and accept this stress. Yes, I'm on board with it. Yes, I accept the adjustments and changes it's bringing into my life. Yes, I accept this new challenge coming into my life." If we cooperate with the stress, instead of resist or fight it, we will save energy and most likely reduce the intensity and duration of the stress.
There's a saying, "what we resist persists." If we give a YES to STRESS, perhaps it will run its course faster. Instead of feeling out of control and angry that we did not choose to bring this stress into our lives, we choose to work with its energy and momentum.
Honestly, has it ever helped make a stressor go away any faster by resisting it, complaining about it, and thinking how unfair it is that you have to deal with it? If a stressor is something outside your control, working with it, instead of against it, makes more sense.
For example, if you are stuck in an airport because your flight has been delayed or cancelled, ask yourself, “what would be a more productive use of this unexpected free time? Could you make phone calls? Write a letter? Read? Make notes for your next business meeting? Write up a proposal? Make a new friend? Meditate? Balance your checkbook?
Having a positive and flexible attitude toward unforeseen changes in plans turns them into adventures instead of stressors. "I wonder what will happen now that what I thought was going to happen has fallen through." You might be propelled by the momentum of the moment into something wonderful!
Another mental method of stress jujitsu would be to view everything about any situation as happening exactly as it should. Then it can feel like there's a flow and a purpose to the event and that you are not busy judging it or yourself because you've been surprised.
Instead of telling yourself, "I can't stand this" or "this isn't supposed to happen," which creates stress and denies the reality, change it to, "this is unpleasant, yet I can get through it" or "I don't like this very much and I accept that it is happening." Then, instead of being locked in a struggle of forces - of stress moving towards you and you exerting force against it - try giving it your cooperation and watch it move more quickly.
When was the first time you said YES to STRESS?
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
This could be applied to stressors too. Instead of mentally resisting or fighting stress, try giving it an unequivocal, "Yes! Yes, I acknowledge and accept this stress. Yes, I'm on board with it. Yes, I accept the adjustments and changes it's bringing into my life. Yes, I accept this new challenge coming into my life." If we cooperate with the stress, instead of resist or fight it, we will save energy and most likely reduce the intensity and duration of the stress.
There's a saying, "what we resist persists." If we give a YES to STRESS, perhaps it will run its course faster. Instead of feeling out of control and angry that we did not choose to bring this stress into our lives, we choose to work with its energy and momentum.
Honestly, has it ever helped make a stressor go away any faster by resisting it, complaining about it, and thinking how unfair it is that you have to deal with it? If a stressor is something outside your control, working with it, instead of against it, makes more sense.
For example, if you are stuck in an airport because your flight has been delayed or cancelled, ask yourself, “what would be a more productive use of this unexpected free time? Could you make phone calls? Write a letter? Read? Make notes for your next business meeting? Write up a proposal? Make a new friend? Meditate? Balance your checkbook?
Having a positive and flexible attitude toward unforeseen changes in plans turns them into adventures instead of stressors. "I wonder what will happen now that what I thought was going to happen has fallen through." You might be propelled by the momentum of the moment into something wonderful!
Another mental method of stress jujitsu would be to view everything about any situation as happening exactly as it should. Then it can feel like there's a flow and a purpose to the event and that you are not busy judging it or yourself because you've been surprised.
Instead of telling yourself, "I can't stand this" or "this isn't supposed to happen," which creates stress and denies the reality, change it to, "this is unpleasant, yet I can get through it" or "I don't like this very much and I accept that it is happening." Then, instead of being locked in a struggle of forces - of stress moving towards you and you exerting force against it - try giving it your cooperation and watch it move more quickly.
When was the first time you said YES to STRESS?
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
Mental Methods of Managing Stress
Most people carry on a silent internal conversation with themselves during much of the day, yet are totally unaware of it. This internal self talk is very much like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may be surprised at how much of what you feel is caused by what you tell yourself, what you think about any situation. It is most often your beliefs and thoughts about a situation that make a stressful, not the situation itself.
When your self-talk is positive, i.e., “ I know I can do this” or “everything will go fine,” you are more likely to succeed and proceed stress-free than not. When your self-talk is negative” I can’t do this” or “I’m not smart enough”-- then you may not even try to succeed, thus fulfilling your inner prophecy. Other times our inner self-talk includes words that pressure us, such as “should,” “must,” “have to,” “ought to,” and the like. This kind of self talk creates guilt, tension, stress and discomfort. To reduce the stress of the “shoulda, coulda, ought to’s” I suggest replacing those words with, “I choose.” So instead of saying, “I should go take a walk” changed to “I choose to go take a walk” it's a subtle but powerful difference in wording but it will change how you feel.
Here are some examples of negative self talk you need to turn around. The first is called catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is when you blow something out of proportion and make it a bigger problem than it actually is. An example might be if you have a headache, it doesn't stay a simple headache, it becomes a brain aneurysm.
The second type of negative self talk is overgeneralization. That means jumping to conclusions that are not really warranted. For example if you've had one thing go wrong today and you say, “I’m having a totally bad day,” you have over-generalized because you have ignored every other positive thing that has happened in the day.
The third kind of self-talk is “black and white” thinking. This type of thinking maintains that something is either one way or the other and disregards that there is always a gray area in between.
Understanding and becoming aware of your unique self talk is the first step in learning to rewrite your internal script and reduce self created stress.
How do I rewrite my self-talk? First, learn to listen to your own self-talk. Write it down if necessary. It might be helpful to make a chart with three columns and write down some examples of situations you would like to have happen such as,” I'd like that promotion,” or “I want to ask that person out on the date.” Then close your eyes and listen to how your self-talk responds to each desire. Write your self- talk in the second column. Examples might be, “I'm not smart enough to get the promotion” or “that person wouldn't find me interesting anyhow”. In the third column, write down a thought or two which is the opposite of column 2, if that statement is negative. For example, “I have earned that promotion” or “on the fascinating person, I just need a chance to show it.”
Practiced using positive self talk every day. You will feel happier, more confident, and less stressed.
Please leave a comment about the power of positive self-talk!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
When your self-talk is positive, i.e., “ I know I can do this” or “everything will go fine,” you are more likely to succeed and proceed stress-free than not. When your self-talk is negative” I can’t do this” or “I’m not smart enough”-- then you may not even try to succeed, thus fulfilling your inner prophecy. Other times our inner self-talk includes words that pressure us, such as “should,” “must,” “have to,” “ought to,” and the like. This kind of self talk creates guilt, tension, stress and discomfort. To reduce the stress of the “shoulda, coulda, ought to’s” I suggest replacing those words with, “I choose.” So instead of saying, “I should go take a walk” changed to “I choose to go take a walk” it's a subtle but powerful difference in wording but it will change how you feel.
Here are some examples of negative self talk you need to turn around. The first is called catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is when you blow something out of proportion and make it a bigger problem than it actually is. An example might be if you have a headache, it doesn't stay a simple headache, it becomes a brain aneurysm.
The second type of negative self talk is overgeneralization. That means jumping to conclusions that are not really warranted. For example if you've had one thing go wrong today and you say, “I’m having a totally bad day,” you have over-generalized because you have ignored every other positive thing that has happened in the day.
The third kind of self-talk is “black and white” thinking. This type of thinking maintains that something is either one way or the other and disregards that there is always a gray area in between.
Understanding and becoming aware of your unique self talk is the first step in learning to rewrite your internal script and reduce self created stress.
How do I rewrite my self-talk? First, learn to listen to your own self-talk. Write it down if necessary. It might be helpful to make a chart with three columns and write down some examples of situations you would like to have happen such as,” I'd like that promotion,” or “I want to ask that person out on the date.” Then close your eyes and listen to how your self-talk responds to each desire. Write your self- talk in the second column. Examples might be, “I'm not smart enough to get the promotion” or “that person wouldn't find me interesting anyhow”. In the third column, write down a thought or two which is the opposite of column 2, if that statement is negative. For example, “I have earned that promotion” or “on the fascinating person, I just need a chance to show it.”
Practiced using positive self talk every day. You will feel happier, more confident, and less stressed.
Please leave a comment about the power of positive self-talk!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
Apr 11, 2008
Stress Addiction
Every time I give a presentation on stress management, I hear something akin to, "I don't have time to manage my stress." For some reason this reminds me of, "I don't have a drinking problem because I can stop whenever I want." This makes me wonder if as a society, we're addicted to our own adrenaline. I wouldn't be surprised.
Even though stress is killing us, being stressed seems to be an acceptable way of life. Busy-ness seems to be raised to the level of a virtue and relaxation is seen as a sin, a waste of time and something to feel guilty about. Oh, and it starts young. I get weary just hearing how parents run their kids to soccer, basketball, cheerleading, karate, and piano every night of the week. What ever happened to letting kids play amongst themselves and oh...use their imaginations? Geez, I must be getting old, because I was about to say, "that was good enough in my day!" And what about the poor stressed out parents who are chauffering their kids everywhere?
Here's my solution to being addicted to stress. I call it the "Sinatra Mantra." I think life should alternate like so: "Do, be, do, be, do." I think we need to be able to both "be" and "do," but in moderation. A certain amount of stress is energizing, but beyond a certain point, it'll cut you off at the knees.
About 15 years ago now, I got to live out a dream to go meditate on a mountain top in California for 5 days with Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Full Catastrophe Living and Whereever You Go, There You Are. Nice man. At the time he ran a Stress Management Program in Massachusetts using Mindfulness Meditation and Yoga. He was featured in a PBS special with Bill Moyers. I still quote him saying on that special that "Pain happens; but suffering is optional."
The benefits of his program are well documented, but the funny thing is that to get into his program you had to either be damned near dead, such that the doctors had given up on you, or in intense chronic pain that they could not treat. Is that what it takes to get us to finally slow down and manage our stress? My goodness, I hope not!
What's your idea of a low stress lifestyle? Post your comment here and get the party started!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
Even though stress is killing us, being stressed seems to be an acceptable way of life. Busy-ness seems to be raised to the level of a virtue and relaxation is seen as a sin, a waste of time and something to feel guilty about. Oh, and it starts young. I get weary just hearing how parents run their kids to soccer, basketball, cheerleading, karate, and piano every night of the week. What ever happened to letting kids play amongst themselves and oh...use their imaginations? Geez, I must be getting old, because I was about to say, "that was good enough in my day!" And what about the poor stressed out parents who are chauffering their kids everywhere?
Here's my solution to being addicted to stress. I call it the "Sinatra Mantra." I think life should alternate like so: "Do, be, do, be, do." I think we need to be able to both "be" and "do," but in moderation. A certain amount of stress is energizing, but beyond a certain point, it'll cut you off at the knees.
About 15 years ago now, I got to live out a dream to go meditate on a mountain top in California for 5 days with Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Full Catastrophe Living and Whereever You Go, There You Are. Nice man. At the time he ran a Stress Management Program in Massachusetts using Mindfulness Meditation and Yoga. He was featured in a PBS special with Bill Moyers. I still quote him saying on that special that "Pain happens; but suffering is optional."
The benefits of his program are well documented, but the funny thing is that to get into his program you had to either be damned near dead, such that the doctors had given up on you, or in intense chronic pain that they could not treat. Is that what it takes to get us to finally slow down and manage our stress? My goodness, I hope not!
What's your idea of a low stress lifestyle? Post your comment here and get the party started!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
1-877-549-7681
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