Signs and Symptoms of Stress Overload

Learning how to manage stress starts with becoming aware that you are under
too much stress. You need to know the signs and symptoms of stress overload
in the following areas of life: emotional, social, physical and cognitive.
Too much stress can affect any or all of these areas of life.

Once you are aware of how stress overload shows up in your life, you can
make a plan to keep your stress within a manageable range. The elimination
of all stress is not the goal. Since both negative and positive events in
life can be stressful, without any stress life would be boring and you
wouldn't have anything to look forward to. The goal is to keep your stress
in a range that is motivating and not let it spill over into a debilitating
range.

So what are the commons signs and symptoms of stress in each of these four
areas? Emotionally, stress can manifest as anxiety, panic, depression,
irritability, moodiness, and feelings of being overwhelmed and burned out.

Physically, stress can manifest as headaches, tension, unusual aches and
pains, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, chest pains,
unexplained rashes, sweaty palms, jitteriness, clumsiness and an increase
susceptibility to infections (because chronic stress weakens the immune
system). Further, stress contributes to the onset or worsening of the
following diseases: ulcers, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, hypertension,
irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia and alcoholism. In fact, it is
estimated that between 60 - 90% of all doctor's visits are due to stress.

Stress also affects your social life. When you are under stress how you
related to others may change. Some of us withdraw from social contact and
need a lot of quiet time alone to rest, recharge and regroup. Others need
more people contact when they are stressed to distract, discharge and dumb
(seek support). Plus, if you are already feeling the emotional impact of
stress then problems may arise in your interpersonal relationships. Signs
of this may be increase bickering or discord, a change in the level of
interest in sexual contact, and a change in your patience with the other
person. Yes, if your sex life comes to a screeching halt, look at the level
of stress in your life first as the likely culprit. Also, stress may
increase addictive behaviors, like drinking or smoking. These can also
affect your social life, especially if the people you are around object to
these behaviors.

Finally, stress affects how well your brain works. Cognitive signs of stress
include: forgetfulness, poor comprehension, inability to learn or retain new
information, reduced ability to access or recall information (ever forget
your kids names?), and difficulty making decisions. In short, your mind has
too much to think about because it's dealing with too many other things. It's
full and nothing is going in or coming out quickly or easily. I like to say
you need a dose of "Braino" - time to rest, let go of worries and cares,
daydream, meditate, listen to music or just watch your thoughts go by like a
train on a track, except your not on the train of thought. You are standing
aside and just watching it go by.

My recommendation to you is to identify your unique constellation of stress
overload indicators, so when you start to notice them, you can take action
to reduce the stress and let it become chronic. Chronic stress can kill.

Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker - www.GotStressGetHelp.com

This is Your Brain on Stress

"I can't stand it when....What if.....I'm trapped.....I'll never have....Oh, my God....this is awful!" This is what worry, anxiety, fear and pessimism sound like in your head. This is your brain on stress. Actually, this is your brain producing your stress.

Yes, it's your thoughts, your perceptions, assumptions and interpretations of life's situations that actually cause stress and NOT the situations (or people) themselves. Therefore, the way to reduce stress is to become aware of your stress-producing thoughts, learn to "turn down the emotional volume" or change the channel altogether on those thoughts. I'll describe this in a minute.

But first, you have to realize that your thoughts are not all TRUTH. Just because you can think something doesn't make it true...well, it might bring it about, but that's another story. You have to begin to put some "wiggle room" in your thinking, loosen your grip on your assumptions and allow yourself to modify your thoughts. I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that read, "Don't believe everything you think." That's the place to start.

The more rigidly you hold to a certain thought and the more you repeat it mentally, it becomes harder to change. Through sheer repetition you've worn a groove in your brain and have mistaken that groove for reality. I had a friend, another therapist, who once said, "If you're going to assume something about a situation, why not assume something that flatters you?"

So let's take some examples. Try changing "I can't stand it when..." to "I really don't like it when...." Just that subtle change turns down the emotional volume or intensity of that thought. The reality is you CAN stand it and probably have stood it for a long time, but not without complaining to yourself or others. What you're really saying is, "I don't like it!"

Next, let's take a worrisome thought. These usually come in the form of some sort of catastrophizing and start with "Oh, my God, what if I don't get that job promotion? I won't be able to deal with it. I'll get so depressed, lose the job I do have. Then we'll lose the house, end up homeless, and die alone on the street." It takes just as much energy to think, "Oh, my God, what if I DO get that job promotion?" Then you can spend your time focusing on how you're going to enjoy the new challenge, become a stronger person, gain the respect of family and friends, etc.

What I've noticed about people who are worriers is that a) they have a very active, vivid imagination, but they tend to use it only on negative scenarios. I think of worry as something akin to a Superpower. If you can imagine something going wrong in vivid detail, you can harness that same ability and use it for good....imagine things going right instead. Each outcome is equally as likely to occur and your positive expectation might actually tip the scales in your favor.

Now, if your thinking goes repeatedly to thoughts like, "I will never have the car/job/love/house that I want" that will become your reality because we act on what we believe. You won't even try to have or achieve those things because your thoughts have already taken you out of the game. To save face, you'll make excuses instead. "I'm just not driven/smart/attractive enough." Here's a clinical term, Hogwash! You never know until you try and you won't try if you believe you can't have what you want. I think it was Henry Ford who said, "Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right."

Now for the "awfulizing." Again, that's an emotionally intense thought. Awful is in the mind of the beholder. Can you think of some food you dislike and then think of someone who loves that same dish? Can you think of some music you hate and then think of someone who loves it? Sure you can. This is an example of perspective taking. Things are only as awful as you think they are. If the "awful" thought is something like, "It's awful that my son didn't make the basketball team" try changing it to "it's great that he tried out and that he'll continue to improve until he does make the team. It's great that he has goals and ambitions."

Finally, for those situations where you think you are "trapped" or have no choice. You always have and always are making choices. Your choice might be to stay in a situation that isn't pleasant or healthy for you. Why you're choosing to stay is because you either don't see or don't like the alternatives. Maybe you choose to stay at a job you hate because it pays alot of money and you don't know how you'd replace that income. Maybe you stay in an abusive relationship because you don't like the alternative of breaking up, being alone, or starting over with someone new. Either way, you're not "trapped." You just don't see alternatives or don't want to choose something else right now.

In conclusion, be careful what you think. I could be a hazard to your mental health.

Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and motivational speaker.
www.EnterTrainingSeminars.com

Blame: Two Can Play That Game

Why do we always look for someone or something to blame when we are hurt, upset or frustrated? Why is laying fault the first thing on someone's mind when bad things happen? Does there always have to be an aggressor and a victim in every interaction that doesn't go the way one or the other party wants it to? Is retribution the best response to harm or hurt? (It seems to me this could apply both to individual persons, as well as entire nations.)

If we could get inside the mind of someone who constantly blames others (whether they are the aggressor or the victim) this might be the unconscious thought process: "I blame you for my choices and deny that I had other options or choices to make. I am going to react and get rid of this awful feeling as quickly as I can. I don't want to acknowledge that I had my part in making this situation go poorly. I don't want to look at my own behavior or own the negative results I get in life. I want to find fault and blame someone else because I don't want to feel bad about myself or have to make difficult changes or face my fears. I don't want to look at the fact that my behavior has hurt other contributed to my own hurt. I want to say, ‘you made me do it!’

So, I will blame you or circumstances for my drinking, overeating, rages, hitting, infidelity, and lying. I justify it to myself by saying, 'If only you wouldn't have done ________, I wouldn't have done what I did. Look what you made me do!'

In my worldview, retaliation for hurt or harm is justifiable. I don't acknowledge that I am hurt and seek solace, comfort or understanding. Maybe I don't know how. Maybe I see that as weak. Nor do I seek to negotiate for a more satisfying outcome, talk to you about how your behavior has affected me, or courageously remove myself from a toxic situation. Instead I blame you and feel like a helpless victim. I label you as "lazy, unloving, irritating, frigid, weak, irresponsible, evil, unfit, stupid, or crazy." I cover up and attempt to assuage my hurt or fear with violence, self-righteous anger, or self-defeating behaviors, instead of forgiveness, understanding or assertiveness.

I wear my victim stature outwardly. I protest is loudly to my friends and family, seeking their sympathy, asking them to choose sides against you and agree with me that you are bad, that YOU are to blame. Everybody thinks I am a saint (except those who secretly think I'm a fool) for putting up with this!”

As I write this I am keenly aware that everybody loses in this kind of interaction. There is no accountability, no responsibility, no integrity. In the “blame game” it becomes difficult to tell the aggressors from the victims after awhile, as both are pointing fingers at the other and saying, “she/he did that to me! Everybody feel sorry for me!” Without personal accountability and responsibility, without stopping to consider how your actions contributed to the unsatisfactory outcome you’re experiencing, where that’s the bombing of the World Trade Center or the fact that you just bounced another check in the family checkbook, the cycle just continues. There’s no stopping it until someone takes responsibility for their behavior and says, “Yes, this part was my doing. I did that to you because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t’ want to look at myself and acknowledge my hurt, fear, frustration or my incorrect assumptions. I didn’t want to take the time to listen and respond after some consideration of your side. I just reacted.

Seems to me if we all did this, there's be alot more peace in the world!

Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D.
Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
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