Mental Methods of Managing Stress

Most people carry on a silent internal conversation with themselves during much of the day, yet are totally unaware of it. This internal self talk is very much like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may be surprised at how much of what you feel is caused by what you tell yourself, what you think about any situation. It is most often your beliefs and thoughts about a situation that make a stressful, not the situation itself.

When your self-talk is positive, i.e., “ I know I can do this” or “everything will go fine,” you are more likely to succeed and proceed stress-free than not. When your self-talk is negative” I can’t do this” or “I’m not smart enough”-- then you may not even try to succeed, thus fulfilling your inner prophecy. Other times our inner self-talk includes words that pressure us, such as “should,” “must,” “have to,” “ought to,” and the like. This kind of self talk creates guilt, tension, stress and discomfort. To reduce the stress of the “shoulda, coulda, ought to’s” I suggest replacing those words with, “I choose.” So instead of saying, “I should go take a walk” changed to “I choose to go take a walk” it's a subtle but powerful difference in wording but it will change how you feel.

Here are some examples of negative self talk you need to turn around. The first is called catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is when you blow something out of proportion and make it a bigger problem than it actually is. An example might be if you have a headache, it doesn't stay a simple headache, it becomes a brain aneurysm.

The second type of negative self talk is overgeneralization. That means jumping to conclusions that are not really warranted. For example if you've had one thing go wrong today and you say, “I’m having a totally bad day,” you have over-generalized because you have ignored every other positive thing that has happened in the day.

The third kind of self-talk is “black and white” thinking. This type of thinking maintains that something is either one way or the other and disregards that there is always a gray area in between.

Understanding and becoming aware of your unique self talk is the first step in learning to rewrite your internal script and reduce self created stress.

How do I rewrite my self-talk? First, learn to listen to your own self-talk. Write it down if necessary. It might be helpful to make a chart with three columns and write down some examples of situations you would like to have happen such as,” I'd like that promotion,” or “I want to ask that person out on the date.” Then close your eyes and listen to how your self-talk responds to each desire. Write your self- talk in the second column. Examples might be, “I'm not smart enough to get the promotion” or “that person wouldn't find me interesting anyhow”. In the third column, write down a thought or two which is the opposite of column 2, if that statement is negative. For example, “I have earned that promotion” or “on the fascinating person, I just need a chance to show it.”

Practiced using positive self talk every day. You will feel happier, more confident, and less stressed.

Please leave a comment about the power of positive self-talk!

Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. - Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker
EnterTraining Seminars: "We Learn You Good!"
Peak Performance, Stress in the Workplace, Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
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